S3. Episode 11: This is What Depression Feels Like – Show Notes

11. This is What Depression Feels Like Distressed to Joyful; Bailey’s Way

Also found on SpotifyApple Podcasts and Stitcher.

Tune in as I get vulnerable and talk all about what my bipolar disorder depressive episodes have felt like over the years. I go into detail on behaviors that I would often engage in while depressed (and still sometimes do) as a way to help those who have never experienced depression to better understand it. It’s also an opportunity for those currently dealing with depression or intermittent depressive episodes to hear that you are not alone.

I’ve chosen to list out all of the behaviors that I go into detail about in this episode as an additional resource to help bring awareness to depression. You can find the gist of everything below.

Specific Behaviors That I’ve Engaged in While Depressed:

  • Randomly crying for no reason in particular
  • Feeling hopeless about life
  • Becoming a “social recluse” and not wanting to be around people
  • Listening to sad, depressing music that causes my sadness to deepen into a black pit of despair
  • Feeling as if no one loves me or cares for me
  • Randomly remembering something mean I did/said to someone in the past and feeling a huge wave of guilt, often resulting in crying
  • Laying around and watching tv all day and not having the motivation/energy to do anything else
  • Eating shit that I know is bad for me and will only worsen my shitty feelings about myself but being unable to stop myself from doing so
  • Staying off of social media because seeing how happy everyone is while I am depressed only worsens how I feel about myself
  • Looking in the mirror and shaming myself for not eating healthy that day, not exercising, gaining a few pounds, etc – just being a plain ole asshole to myself which literally makes everything worse
  • Ignoring texts or calls from family and friends because I feel as if I don’t deserve their love OR because I don’t have the energy to respond to them
  • In the past, I used to hop into my car and drive aimlessly around town while listening to depressing music
  • Feeling incredibly lonely yet simultaneously not wanting to be around people
  • Skipping showers or going to sleep with my makeup on because it takes too much energy to take care of my personal hygiene 
  • Avoiding going outside EVEN THOUGH I know that being in the sunshine will help because the natural vitamin D from the sun is a mood-booster
  • Not wanting to talk to people
  • Binge drinking, heavily
  • Avoiding answering questions about how I’m doing, because I know if I answer honestly, I will cry and/or nobody wants to hear what I’m going through
  • Feeling irritable and getting frustrated at miniscule things

Resources

Until next time friends… Take it easy, stay grateful and be joyful!

Check out the show notes from the latest episodes below!

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